Codependency
What is Codependency?
Codependency is a set of compulsive and maladaptive behaviours, learned to survive in an emotionally painful and stressful family or group setting, typically characterised by an excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, family member, or friend.
It was initially defined as originating in families where alcoholism, addiction, mental illness, or severe physical illness existed. It is now understood that these behaviours can be passed on from generation to generation whether addiction or alcoholism is present or not. The dysfunctional pattern of relating to others is developed during childhood, generally where one (or more) person(s) is sacrificing their own needs to meet the needs of another, and/or living according to ‘family rules’.
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Those family rules may include:
· Other people are more important than you.
· It is not okay for someone to have a bad mood – it could lead to disaster.
· You must earn approval.
· Keep your problems and your feelings to yourself.
· If you’re feeling bad, it’s your own fault.
· Be strong.
· Do everything perfectly.
· Don’t – be selfish; rock the boat; speak about anything difficult or painful.
· If you don’t obey these rules – you won’t be loved or liked; everything could fall apart.
Codependency is especially common when verbal, physical and sexual abuse or violence is present. When children grow up in an environment where there is drunken or abusive behaviour, or neglect, they must learn to cope with the chaos and unpredictability. One way of coping is to be the family ‘fixer’ or ’rescuer’.
This role usually consists of trying to look after one or both parents, often breaking up family disputes and acting as peacekeeper. The child quickly learns to put their needs second to others in the family, and subsequently when they grow up are attracted to partners who are either addictive in some way, or emotionally unavailable and need looking after.
Problems caused by codependency.
Most of us have elements of codependency. In fact, it is very important that at times we consider others before ourselves. However, for some codependency sufferers it gets in the way of happiness and can lead to a range of emotional, psychological, and relational problems, as well as poor health and addiction.
- → Emotional distress: Constantly prioritising others can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, and depression. The individual may feel overwhelmed by their responsibilities and incapable of achieving personal happiness.
- → Dysfunctional relationships: Codependent behaviours can create imbalanced and unhealthy relationships, marked by resentment, frustration, and conflict. The codependent person may feel taken advantage of, while the other party may feel smothered or controlled.
- → Loss of identity: Codependent individuals often lose sight of their own desires, interests, and goals. They may become so enmeshed in the lives of others that they struggle to define who they are outside of these relationships.
- → Impaired decision-making: The need for approval and fear of conflict can hinder codependents’ ability to make decisions in their own best interest. They might agree to things they don’t want to do or avoid pursuing their own ambitions.
- → Substance abuse: There is a higher risk of substance abuse among codependents, either to cope with their own emotional pain or in an attempt to manage the stress of their relationships.
Symptoms of Codependency
Codependency can manifest in various forms, including romantic relationships, family dynamics, and friendships. Some signs include:
- → Excessive caretaking: Codependent individuals often feel responsible for others’ well-being to an unhealthy extent. They may go to great lengths to fix or control the other person’s problems, often neglecting their own needs in the process.
- → Low self-esteem: Many codependents struggle with feelings of worthlessness or inadequacy. They often seek validation through the approval of others, rather than through self-acceptance.
- → People-pleasing behaviour: Codependent people frequently prioritise others’ needs over their own, even at their own expense. This can lead to burnout and resentment over time.
- → Poor boundaries: Those with codependency issues often have difficulty setting and maintaining healthy boundaries. They may feel guilty or anxious when asserting their own needs and preferences.
- → Control issues: Codependent individuals may try to control others’ behaviour, believing it is necessary to ensure their own safety and stability.
- →· Dependency: They may rely heavily on others for their happiness and self-worth, often fearing abandonment or rejection.
If you or someone you know is struggling with codependency, reach out to a professional for guidance and support. Recovery is possible, and a healthier, more fulfilling life awaits.
Residential treatment for codependency.
Codependency is a complex and pervasive issue that can significantly impact an individual’s emotional well-being and relationships. Recognising the signs of codependency and seeking appropriate treatment is crucial for recovery.
Ibiza Calm is a specialised mental health and addiction clinic that provides treatment for any individuals who are struggling with issues relating to compulsive and addictive behaviours. The Ibiza Calm team comprises experienced healthcare professionals, including doctors, nurses, and therapists, who work together to provide the highest level of care and support to each client.
Residential rehab treatment at Ibiza Calm offers an intensive and structured environment for individuals struggling with codependency. Our programmes include a combination of therapies and support services designed to address the underlying issues and promote healthy, independent functioning.
Key components of residential treatment for codependency include:
One-to-one therapy: Individual sessions with a therapist help explore the root causes of codependent behaviours and develop healthier coping mechanisms. These include evidence-based approaches such as cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT).
Group therapy: Group sessions provide a supportive environment where clients can share their experiences, gain insights from others, and build a sense of community. These interactions help to reduce feelings of isolation and promote mutual healing.
Family therapy: Since codependency often involves family dynamics, family therapy can be a crucial part of treatment. It helps to address dysfunctional patterns and improve communication and relationships among family members. All our treatment programmes include family support group sessions.
Education: Workshops and skills sessions teach individuals about codependency, healthy relationship dynamics, and self-care strategies. During these sessions we cover topics such as setting boundaries, and stress management.
Holistic therapies: Incorporating holistic therapies such as yoga, art therapy, and mindfulness practices can help individuals develop a stronger connection with themselves and reduce stress.
Aftercare planning: All our residential treatment programmes include comprehensive aftercare planning to ensure continued support and relapse prevention. This may involve ongoing therapy, support groups, and resources for maintaining healthy relationships post-treatment.
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For free information and advice on issues related to mental health and addiction check out the following websites:
Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). A worldwide 12-step fellowship for individuals who have a problem with alcohol. Anyone with a desire to stop drinking is welcome. https://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk
Narcotics Anonymous (NA). Is a global non-profit fellowship, a community of people who support each other to achieve and maintain a drug free life. https://ukna.org
Al-Anon. A mutual peer-support programme for people whose lives have been affected by someone else’s drinking. https://al-anonuk.org.uk
Mind. A registered charity in England, which offers information, advice, local services and support, for those individuals and family members struggling with a mental health condition. https://www.mind.org.uk
Mental Health Foundation. A UK charity that provides individuals with advice and resources related to mental health. https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk
BEAT. The UKs eating disorder charity that provides information and support for those affected by an eating disorder. https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk