Ibiza Rehab Clinic Codependency Self Test



Is my self-esteem in others people's hands?

Codependency is a set of compulsive and maladaptive behaviours learned to survive in an emotionally painful and stressful family or group setting. It was initially defined as originating in families where addiction, mental illness or severe physical illness existed. Still, it’s now understood that these behaviours can be passed on from generation to generation whether alcoholism is present or not. The dysfunctional pattern of relating to others is developed during childhood according to family ‘rules’.

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These family rules might include

  • other people are more important than you
  • it’s not okay for someone to have a bad mood – it could lead to disaster
  • you have to earn approval
  • keep your problems to yourself
  • keep your feelings to yourself
  • if you’re feeling bad, it’s your own fault
  • be strong
  • do everything perfectly
  • don’t be selfish
  • don’t rock the boat
  • don’t speak about anything difficult or painful
  • if you don’t obey these rules, you won’t be loved or liked
  • if you don’t obey these rules, everything could fall apart

Codependency is especially common when verbal, physical and sexual abuse or violence is present. When children grow up in an environment where there is drunken or abusive behavior, or neglect, they have to learn to cope with the chaos and unpredictability. One way of coping is to be the family ‘fixer’ or ’rescuer’. This role usually consists of trying to look after one or both parents, often breaking up family disputes and acting as peace-keeper. The child quickly learns to put their needs second to others in the family, and subsequently when they grow up are attracted to partners who are either addictive in some way, or emotionally unavailable and need looking after.

Most of us have elements of codependency. In fact, it’s very important that at times we consider others before ourselves. However, for some codependency sufferers it gets in the way of happiness and can lead to ill health or addiction.

test yourself

Do you have an unhealthy dependency on your relationships?


Do you say ‘Yes’ when you should be saying ‘No’, at a cost to yourself?


Does your family have a history of addiction or psychiatric illness?


Have you been in previous harmful relationships, putting up with behavior that you shouldn’t?


Have there been signs of addiction in your past or present relationships?


Have you put up with physical, sexual or verbal violence or bullying?


Do you work long hours for no extra reward, or not take your allowed holiday?


Have you covered up for others’ drunken or intoxicated incidents, lying on their behalf?


Have you bailed someone out financially, lending them money, paying gambling or drug debts, or turning a blind eye when they’ve stolen from you?


Do you feel guilty for standing up for yourself?


Do you feel anxious if things are not perfect?


Do you try to control others’ behavior?


Do you find it hard to trust others?


Do you take excessive precautions against real or imaginary disasters or accidents?


Do you need constant reassurance from your partner/spouse/child?


Are you prone to jealousy?


Do you feel that if you don’t do what your loved one wants, they might leave you?


Do you often lie awake watching your loved one sleep?


Do you try to anticipate what mood your loved one is going to be in when you next meet?


Do you purposely start arguments to get your loved one’s attention?


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